Friday, December 20, 2013

Is this what the world has come to?

I like texting.  Who doesn't?  I love the little bits of "Hi I was thinking of you" & the day long conversations & the "Morning sunshine" texts that may be waiting for me when I wake up.  But there is something lost through texting.  Assumptions are too easily made, emotions can be lost or never even seen, & there's a connection that's lost even for all of our being connected.  But when important conversations begin to happen over text & the actual face to face conversation seems to die we as a world will be in trouble.

Have we all gotten to the point that our lives are to be lived in text conversations?  In the 140 characters of Twitter?  Status updates on Facebook?  To be honest I'm not even sure if anyone will find this & actually read it.  Attention spans have become much shorter & I know mine has as well, so it will be interesting to see what happens.

In a world of everybody sharing everything about their life from their sex life, relationships, & what they had for lunch, I find I'm still a fairly private person.  Oddly enough though if asked a question I'm more than willing to share the answer.  Most people though don't ask the questions for fear of the answer or of coming off as too nosy or not knowing what questions to ask.  And yet, I also have a desire to write out my thoughts, feelings and life events in some kind of forum - while maintaining some semblance of anonymity.  I'm an open book, if you ask the questions.  If you believe anything about astrology I guess I come by that trait honestly, being a Cancer.

Ah yes love.... Such a thing that's desired by nearly everyone but yet nearly everyone is afraid of it.  What is it about this emotion that turns people every which way imaginable?  Logically no one would jump off a cliff without a parachute but that's exactly what love requires of us.  There is no guarantee when it comes to love.  Failed relationships & failed marriages abound in the world, with divorce rates higher than the rates of success.  Lord knows I've had my share of failures on that front.  Yes, there were some heartaches but there were some good times.  Overall, I've met some great people who just weren't great for me. 

One of the hardest lessons in life when it comes to love, or the potential for it, is to leap without a net.  To have faith that if you leap the net will appear - to jump & grow wings on the way down.  Some people can't do that & yet they still may find love.  Some people constantly leap & yet are still unable to find what they are searching for.  I refuse to give up on the hope, on the promise, of what may be.  Don't get me wrong I'm still afraid of being hurt, of finding out I'm not enough for someone.  But the alternative is even less appealing.  I'm certainly a work in progress on this and many other things - but that's life.  Really that is the only constant in life, to change, to grow, to develop who & what you are. 

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Tis the season

It's been about 4 years since I've really had the Christmas spirit.  It will be 4 years ago this January, the 5th, that my dad passed away after a long period of various health issues.  In the time following his death, I got divorced, went back to school taking pre-reqs for the nursing program, got accepted into the nursing program, dove into the depths of online dating, started a new job as a unit tech at the hospital, & failed a rotation of nursing school. 

Divorce - Old news, really not even worth wasting my time on any of the story.  I'm so much better off & far happier than I had been the last few years of my marriage!

School - A hellish nightmare doesn't even begin to cover nursing school!  There's stress & then there's nursing school.  Where every answer is technically correct but you need to get the most correct answer.  It's a life constantly hanging by a thread.  It completely sucked giant hairy monkey balls that I failed a rotation.  Which means that I'm currently out of the program but can reapply & start fresh next fall.  I have one chance to pass next year.  Nursing school will not defeat me, even though it will do its damnedest I will come out with my RN the spring of 2015.

Hospital - I really enjoy my job as a unit tech (CNA, nurses aid, etc...).  That being said I will be very happy to finally be an RN & having the nursing responsibilities.  But by working as a CNA I will have a much better appreciation for the work & help they provide me as a nurse!

Online Dating - Oh my lord!!  Some good, some bad, some just plain creepy.  I think the whole idea of online dating needs to be taken with a block of salt.  With that being said the few guys that I meet the "old fashioned way" ie. at the bar were no prize either!  There will be stories... of that you can be sure!